Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Randomize
