i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
don't judge my taste in strippers
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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