I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
