Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize