He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
