i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
