I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
