Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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