Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Randomize
