the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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