What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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