am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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