there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm sobbing to NWA
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
