no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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