So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
