Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
