she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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