4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Randomize
