Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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