I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
