My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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