You made me cry and you don't even care
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Randomize
