I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize