I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
