I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
