why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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