um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
