I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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