Got a toothbrush?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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