She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
