I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
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