Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
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