I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
