Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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