oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
