you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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