swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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