FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Randomize
