i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
