oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
