I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
