Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Randomize