I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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