I cut my penus on the lid.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
