Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
