i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
