I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
