forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
