Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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