Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
