so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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