Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
3 2 1 whiskey
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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