What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
how drunk are you?
Several
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
