im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
