Need sex. Gaining weight.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
