i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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