i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
