so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
