All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
