@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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