I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Randomize
