um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
