When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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