Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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