It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
