a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
