When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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