Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
