Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
