Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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