I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
