I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize