she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
