final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
