During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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