I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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