I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
