Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
