I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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