she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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