the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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