I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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