Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
