I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
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