Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
