why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
