what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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