the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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