I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
My feet surprised me
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
