im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
