I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
