It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
