last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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