she looked like the bat from fern gully.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
