One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
