dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize