I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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