i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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