I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
How's work?
Spinning.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
