Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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